It was strange picking out an urn for Misha. There were so many to choose from that the process was fairly overwhelming. Luckily, Emory was there to help, and immediately went for one with an aurora borealis on it.

“Dad said he always wanted to see the Northern Lights.” She pointed out, tapping that particular urn. “Now he can see them every day.”

“That’s a great choice.” Rene agreed, and indicated that they would be going with that urn. The funeral director nodded, and scribbled something down on a piece of paper. 

Through a strange haze of grief, they managed to answer questions to get things set. The time, the day, the venue, the obituary. Ari and Khal helped, but Rene did most of it by himself, with Emory occasionally chiming in with one of her great ideas. He was wary of asking her to be involved with everything as she was so young, but she was adamant that she wanted to be there every step of the way. 

Time moved so strangely in the days between Misha’s death and his funeral. Hours stretched and melted into a strange tunnel of existence until suddenly Rene found himself wearing his suit, standing in front of a group of people at the funeral home, talking about the love of his life in the past tense. 

“I thought this day would come a long long time from now. Honestly, I always assumed I would die first, because living without Misha would be like living without a piece of my soul. But we can’t really control whatever cosmic events we’re destined to experience, I guess. So here I am, lamenting the loss of the man I loved more than any other.” Rene sniffed and wiped his eyes with his sleeve before he continued. He couldn’t bring himself to look at the faces before him. At his friends and family. At poor Emory, who looked so cute in her little dress, but whose eyes were red and swollen from crying all day. 

“Misha was an amazing husband, and an incredible father. Every day, he would put 100% of himself into being there for his family, even when his mind was racing a million miles a minute. Our daughter never had any doubt that her dad loved her with all his heart. I never had any doubt that he was my soulmate. That meeting him was the most wonderful thing that could ever have happened to me. As much as I’m hurting right now, I wouldn’t take a single precious moment back for the whole world.”

Rene paused and took a sip of water from the water bottle he’d brought up to the podium. 

“I want-I want to thank everyone for coming. Everyone who has reached out to help us get through this terrible nightmare. If Misha was here, I’m certain he would have insisted on making a full meal of thanks with one of his signature soups. In fact, he’s probably disappointed right now that he’ll never get a chance to cook for us again.” There were some mild titters of laughter. 

“He would consider each and every one of you to be part of his family now. Unfortunately, his own family was not accepting of the person that Misha was, so making a family of his own was so very important to him. And here you are, every kind soul who has been a part of our lives. And I thank you for that. And he would thank you for that too. So, uh, thank you.” With that, Rene went and sat down in the front row, next to Emory. Ari placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed, giving him a silent reassurance. 

The funeral director went on to talk about Misha and family and some other points, but Rene was barely paying attention. He was so lost in his own thoughts that he was barely aware of still being at the funeral home. The sweet smell of flowers was nearly cloying to his nostrils. There was no open casket, only that beautiful urn that Emory had picked out, filled with Misha’s remains. 

This was it. The day was so final. After this, life had to return to some semblance of normalcy. In two days, he’d be going back to work. Emory would be going back to school. The world would keep spinning as though this tragedy never even happened. Yet, the gaping hole in his life would remain. Misha’s sweet words would never enter his ears again. Those ocean blue eyes would never peer into his again. Those strong arms would never lift Emory, or embrace Rene again. It all felt so fucking unfair. 

Khal drove them home, dressed in his rented suit for the funeral. Ari followed in her vehicle. She would have to leave soon to teach a yoga class in the afternoon, but she wanted to make sure they were alright. Rene took Emory’s hand, his other hand cradling the urn, and they walked into the house. 

Rene placed the urn on the table where they had made a little shrine to Misha with pictures and tiny belongings of his that really meant something to them. Khal watched all of this from a respectful distance away. Rene could hear Ari sniffling. He looked down at Emory, who wasn’t crying at the moment, but looked very determined. 

“How are you doing?” Rene asked Emory. 

She shrugged, and he knew that if she tried to talk, she’d likely open the floodgates again. That much crying was exhausting. Rene picked her up and squeezed her in a tight hug. She laid her head on his shoulder, and they simply stood like that for a long time. 

*****

Somehow, the weekend was over, and Rene was up early to get Emory to school and drive himself to work. They barely spoke as they got ready. She brushed her teeth and got dressed without assistance. Rene got her lunch ready and packed her bento-box in her backpack. He then took her hand and walked her down to the busstop. 

They were there early today. They watched as other families slowly trickled in. When Paige showed up, she and Brooke walked over to them and Brooke immediately hugged Emory. 

“How are you holding up?” Paige asked tentatively. 

“As well as can be expected, I guess.” Rene shrugged. “Thanks for asking. And thanks again for bringing over food. It really meant a lot.”

“Do you want to spend the night at my house next weekend?” Brooke asked Emory. 

Emory looked up at Rene, “Can I, daddy?”

“Yeah,” Rene nodded. “I don’t see why not.”

“You’re welcome to come over and join us for dinner.” Paige said to Rene. “On Friday, I’m making roast chicken and mashed potatoes.”

“That sounds nice.” Rene said. 

There was a scoff, and Rene looked over in surprise to see Colleen glaring in his direction. 

“Something we can help you with, Colleen?” Paige asked. 

“What? I didn’t say anything.” Colleen smirked. 

“You seemed to imply something.” Paige pointed out. 

Rene didn’t have the energy to engage with Colleen today, and wished that Paige would just let it go. Colleen was a parasite. Nothing she had to say would be helpful toward anyone. 

“My mom says that your dad already has a new boyfriend.” Colleen’s son, Greg, blurted out toward Emory. “She says your family lives in sin, and she knows you’ll burn in hell.”

Rene’s stomach twisted into knots as he looked at Emory, whose face had gone white, her mouth a tight line as she tried to control her anger. 

“What the hell are you talking about?” Paige asked, staring at Colleen in dismay. 

“Well don’t act like you don’t see that man at their house, night and day. Who is he anyway? It’s clear that something is going on between them.” Colleen spat, talking about Rene as though he wasn’t standing right there. 

“Khal is a friend who has been helping us since dad died.” Emory said quietly. 

“Is he a fag too?” Greg asked. 

Everything happened so fast that Rene barely had time to react. Emory walked over and punched Greg in the eye with a sickening crack. Colleen screamed and pulled Greg away and began shouting about calling the police for assault. Rene scooped Emory up and took several steps back with her as Colleen wailed and fussed over her sobbing son’s face. Paige had a hand over her mouth in shock, and Brooke was yelling at Greg about how he deserved it for being a jerk.

“You’ll be hearing from my attorney!” Colleen screeched as she scooped up her son and ran back to her house. 

Emory burst into tears and buried her face in Rene’s chest. 

“Daddy, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to get in trouble.” Emory blubbering. “He just made me so mad!”

“Hey, shh shhh, it’s okay,” Rene said. “You’re okay.” He didn’t really know what to say. While she probably shouldn’t have hit Greg, Rene wasn’t exactly bent out of shape about it. Colleen’s threats weren’t terribly empty, however, and that’s exactly what Rene didn’t need on top of everything else. 

The bus was pulling up, and Rene looked at Emory. 

“Are you up to going to school today?” 

She sniffled, but nodded. He set her down, and told her he loved her, and she headed for the bus. Brooke went with her, taking her hand as they walked, which Emory seemed to appreciate. The bus drove away, and Rene headed back to his home, Paige walking beside him. 

“I’m so sorry.” Paige said. “I shouldn’t have engaged Colleen.”

“It’s not your fault.” Rene said. “She was trying to get a reaction.”

“Well she sure got one.” Paige said. “If there’s anything I can do, please let me know. I can get you in touch with my lawyer.”

Rene didn’t even want to think about it right now. He waved a hand dismissively. Something else was weighing on his mind. He stopped and looked at Paige. 

“Do people believe I’m in a relationship with Khal?” He asked. 

“Colleen is the only one I ever heard say anything about that.” Paige said. “You know her, a busy-body who always wants to see the worst in people.”

Rene had only vaguely wondered at how people perceived his relationship with Khal before now. Colleen’s reaction had given him a lot to think about, even if she wasn’t indicative of his more sane neighbors.

He really hadn’t considered how strange it was that Khal had been staying with them this whole time, especially since he’d only met him a few weeks ago. As grateful as he had been for all of the man’s help, it now occurred to him that this relationship might be entirely inappropriate, especially as he and Emory were just in the beginning of this whole terrible ordeal. 

He entered the house to see Khal on his laptop at the kitchen table, eating a piece of toast. Khal looked up at him, the toast halfway to his mouth, but when he saw Rene’s expression, he set the toast down. 

“What is it?” Khal asked. “Are you okay? I mean…you know.”

“Emory punched the neighbor’s kid.” Rene explained. “He and his mother made some…implications, and he used the “f” word, and Emory punched him. Now his mother is threatening to sue us.” 

“Oh jeez.” Khal said. “Just what you need today, huh?”

“Yeah.” Rene sighed. He walked over and poured himself a bowl of cereal in an attempt to eat something, but he wasn’t hungry. Even Lucky Charms couldn’t tempt his non-existent appetite.

“Was this the bigot mother?” Khal asked. 

Rene nodded. 

“Was she saying something horrible about Misha?” Khal asked. 

“They were uh, they were actually implying that you and I were a couple.” Rene admitted. He looked at Khal to try to gage his reaction to the words, but Khal’s expression was nearly unreadable. He didn’t even raise an eyebrow. 

“I can talk to her.” Khal said. “I’ve been told I’m incredibly persuasive. No threats or anything. I bet I could get her to back down.”

Rene shook his head, “You don’t have to do that. Paige is going to get me in contact with a lawyer. We’ll figure this out. I don’t want you to worry about it.”

Rene set his bowl by the sink and went to finish getting ready for work. Khal was still at his computer when Rene came back into the kitchen to grab his lunch. He wanted to talk to him about what had been bothering him, about how it was probably time for Khal to either go to a hotel, or maybe get back to whatever town he was from. Rene wanted to tell him when everything was calm though, when he wasn’t rushing to work. He wanted Khal to know how much he appreciated everything that he’d done. 

Maybe at work he’d have time to clear his head. Maybe he’d change his mind about all of this later. Colleen was an idiot after all. But the implication was enough to unsettle him, and he didn’t want Emory exposed to any more potential bullies because he had made a mistake. 

He said goodbye to Khal and wished him a great day. Khal said goodbye, and Rene walked outside, got into his car, and headed to work. 

It was strange being back now. The library felt like an entirely new place. A dark place. It didn’t feel like the building he’d left over a week ago when he was excited and anxious about the big weekend ahead where he would be accepting an award and begging for money to fix up the library. Now it was just a weird old building with books and people that looked at him as though he could explode at any moment. 

Katrina brought him a coffee and gave him a quick hug. She kept their conversations short, and put in extra effort with patrons so that he wouldn’t have to talk to too many. Carl stopped in to talk, but even he didn’t seem to want to bother Rene if he could help it. 

When he was upstairs, Rene looked out the window, and his heart shattered a million times over as he imagined Misha crossing the road, and realized that he would never cross that road again to see him. After several bathroom breaks to wipe away any evidence of tears, and a long day of topical conversations, mostly the latest gossip on the supposed serial killer and his victims (there was another man missing in town, and citizens were 100% certain it was the next victim), Rene finally headed home. 

He’d texted Ari to keep Emory that night so that he could have a conversation with Khal when he got home without it being awkward. To his great surprise, he opened the door to find Khal sitting on the couch with Colleen and Greg, having a chat. They all looked up at Rene, who stood in the doorway for one startled moment. 

Colleen stood up, “Rene, I am so incredibly sorry for everything I’ve done to you. Everything we’ve done. Your friend explained everything. I can’t imagine the pain I’ve put you through. I can only hope that one day you can forgive my horrible behavior.”

Rene was at a loss for words.

Chapter 11 https://storiesfrommontana.com/2023/04/02/writing-challenge-2023-part-11-woefully-untitled/