Rene’s first day back at work following everything that happened was uncomfortable, to put it mildly. There was no Frank to greet him when he arrived at the library, a thought which made his stomach lurch. Frank’s funeral had been scheduled for that coming Saturday. Rene was definitely not looking forward to it, but it was important all the same. Emory had been adamant about going, as had Ari and Khal. Their support gave Rene strength. 

Rene hesitated on entering the building, his hand on the door handle, his heart thrumming as his mind reminded him that he might not make it out in one piece. Katrina seemed to have anticipated this, because she got out of her car and walked up to him. It looked like she had been waiting for him. 

“Hi, Rene.” She said, giving him a strong hug. The kind of comforting full-bodied hug a caring mom would give. “This is going to be a tough one, isn’t it?”

Rene nodded, swallowing. 

“Here, let me help,” Katrina said, placing her hand over his and opening the door. “I promise that I won’t leave today until you do.”

Rene stepped across the threshold into a building that looked the same as the one he’d worked in for years, but felt entirely different. It was tainted now. Tainted by the memory of his abduction, and Khal’s. Tainted by the sight of Frank’s body on the floor. 

Julie was at the returns desk. She looked up at Rene and smiled, that strange smile that said ‘I don’t know what to do in this situation.’ Rene forced a smile back. 

He looked around, half seeing Frank’s presence out of the corner of his eye. 

“If you’re not up to this today, you don’t have to be here.” Katrina pointed out. “I can take care of things for you. You can go home and rest up some more until you’re ready.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever be any more ready than I am now.” Rene said. 

He hated that everything felt so different. That his precious library was now a horror show of terrible memories. He loathed Jeff Aquino for taking this from him. Rene briefly wondered what other field of work he might have to pursue if he could no longer handle being there. 

Slowly but surely he made his way upstairs, Katrina with him every step of the way. He kept looking around him, anxious to be completely aware of his surroundings. He was certain that Katrina noticed, but she didn’t say anything, just remained with him as a constant and comforting presence.

“Take it easy today.” Katrina urged. “We’re gonna hang out, get back into the swing of things. When you’re ready, you can go back to your old routine. But there’s no rush. I’m here for you, okay? We’re all here for you.”

“Thank you, Katrina.” Rene said, taking her hand and squeezing it appreciatively. 

She smiled and gave him a hug again at the top of the stairs. As she started to walk toward the upstairs office, Rene turned and looked down the stairs, a million memories flitting through his mind. He saw Misha coming up those stairs, and Frank. He saw Khal walking up those stairs. 

And Jeff Aquino.

He saw Emory, with a big smile on her face, meeting him after school. 

Rene held on to that thought of Emory, of his beloved little girl, and used it to propel himself along as he followed Katrina to the office. 

*****

The rest of the day was a struggle, but he managed to get through it, bit by bit. Getting back into his routine was definitely helpful to Rene. He was extremely jumpy, and jolted in surprise a few times when patrons approached him for assistance. A few people looked at him curiously. He had been on the news, after all, and his story was the biggest thing to hit their city in as long as he could remember. 

When a patron would approach him and begin asking if he was the man from the news, the man who had killed the serial killer, Katrina was right there to guide them away with some kind but firm words. 

Rene truly appreciated her for that.

He made it through the shift, thinking about seeing sweet Emory again that night. And Ari.

And Khal.

He was embarrassed to admit he had butterflies in his stomach when he thought of Khal. His dreams had been so intimate, so tender and sweet. The thought of his friend brought a smile to his face. But it also made him anxious when he thought about Misha. 

Rene had no interest in replacing the love of his life. Certainly not within just a few weeks of losing him. He felt extreme guilt for feeling that happiness when he thought of Khal. Rene set to working hard, as his mind focused on the mixture of complicated feelings he had regarding his circumstances. 

Though it seemed to take forever, the end of the shift finally came. Rene looked around the library, and his heart thrummed again at how dark everything was. Every sound jolted forth the memory of Jeff Aquino climbing those stairs, walking menacingly toward him, Frank’s body already cooling on the first floor. He’d been okay up until now, but the blood was rushing in his ears as he looked at those stairs, as he heard the closing of doors and movement downstairs.

“Oh my god!” He heard Katrina exclaim from the office. Rene spun in that direction, feeling woozy, the world closing in on him. There was a whooshing in his ears, a throb in his head. Through the haze of panic, he forced himself to move, to run toward Katrina, to protect her from whatever was happening. 

As he reached the office, hand grabbing the doorframe to balance himself, he braced himself for the worst. He was confused to see Katrina looking at the computer, frantically reading an email. 

Rene swallowed back the terrified lump in his throat, before squeaking out, “Everything okay?”

Katrina spun in her chair to look at him, and her eyes grew big like saucers. She clasped a hand over her mouth and shook her head.

“Jesus, Rene, I’m so sorry! I wasn’t even thinking! I didn’t mean to scare you! God! You look like you’ve seen a ghost!” She jumped up and rushed over to him, placing the back of her hand on his forehead, presumably to check his temperature. “I’m so sorry! Do you need water?”

Rene shook his head as she looked him over. He wasn’t sure what he needed, though it would be nice if his heart would stop thundering like a jackhammer. 

“What was so exciting?” He croaked out. 

“What?” Katrina had grabbed a sealed water-bottle off the desk, and opened it to hand it to him. Rene took several appreciative swigs. “Oh!” Katrina remembered what she had been doing. “There was an email! Apparently Carl has been arrested for embezzling funds. The board of trustees immediately fired him. They have already considered a vote for who will replace him.”

It was a lot to take in at once. Rene continued to gulp from the bottle as he processed what she was saying. When it was finally empty, he put the cap back on and tossed it into recycling before rubbing his eyes and looking at her again. 

“Wait, so Carl is in jail. And they want someone else to take his job?” Rene said slowly. 

“Not just anyone. They want you!” Katrina said, taking Rene’s hands and squeezing them. “This may be just the break you need. You could work from home, and still support this place you love so much without all the, you know, trauma…you could allocate funds to the programs that actually matter!”

“Me?” Rene blinked. 

“Here, just take a minute. It’s been a crazy day back. Come read the email. I can’t believe they finally caught Carl with his hand in the cookie jar!”

Katrina guided him to the chair where he read the email. Sure enough, it said everything she’d just told him. He read it again, and a third time. How strangely fortunate to have this offer now. The pay increase for Carl’s position would be extremely helpful in paying off Misha’s share of the mortgage, though he hadn’t yet had a chance to finish figuring out life insurance and everything else in regards to Misha’s passing. That was a whole headache in itself. 

If he took the job, he would be able to stay home. 

He had to admit to himself that it was too much, being at the library right now. His stomach clenched just thinking about having to walk downstairs to head home. 

“What do you think?” Katrina asked. 

“I-I don’t know.” Rene said honestly. 

*****

There was another surprise waiting when Rene finally made his way home. After one final panic attack upon leaving work, he somehow managed to calm down. Upon reaching his house, he was even able to smile a bit at the thought of seeing Emory. Rene headed inside to see Ari doing yoga on the living room floor. She grinned at him as he entered.

Emory came running up and wrapped her arms around his waist.

“Daddy! Khal says he has a surprise for us! But he wanted to wait for you to be home first!” Emory exclaimed. 

“He did, did he?” Rene said. He set his bag down at the table and glanced at Ari, who looked purposely away, the grin still on her face. It was clear she knew what the surprise was. 

“Where is Khal?” Rene asked. 

“Khal! Daddy’s home!” Emory called. 

Khal walked in from the hall wearing a black sweater and dark slacks on his slight frame, a sly smile on his face. 

“How was work?” Khal asked. 

“It was…okay.” Rene said. He had no interest in delving into the wave of panic he’d felt all day. 

“I got you both something. I hope it’s okay. Things have been so difficult lately, that I wanted to get something special. Something that I think will really help us all feel a bit better.”

Emory was bouncing up and down on her toes in excited anticipation. Rene couldn’t imagine what he might have bought that would do what he was claiming, but he was very curious.

“Are you ready?” Khal asked. 

“Yes!” Emory squeaked. Rene nodded. 

Khal turned excitedly and headed back down the hall. He returned shortly carrying a box with a loose lid upon it. Khal set the box on the ground in front of Emory, then indicated she should open it. Emory dove down and grabbed the lid off the box. She immediately gasped in surprise. 

Rene looked down at the tiniest little black kitten who was staring up at them with wide blue eyes. It began mewling, upon seeing Emory, who immediately flopped down next to the box to get a closer look. 

“She’s still a baby, so her eyes probably won’t stay blue like that.” Khal pointed out. “But I couldn’t resist her when I saw her. They uh, they said her name was Aset. Which I thought was beautiful.”

“Aset.” Rene repeated, crouching down to gently pet the kitten. “Like the Egyptian Goddess?” 

“Yes, exactly.” Khal said. He crouched down too, all three of them huddled around the little mewling baby. “I thought it was kinda neat.”

Rene looked at Khal, who looked back at him expectantly.

“I know you always wanted a cat, but that you couldn’t have one previously. If you don’t think we can handle her, I can always take her back-“

“No!” Emory cried, picking up the kitten and holding her protectively to her chest.

“I guess that’s decided then.” Rene said, smiling at the pure bliss Emory seemed to be in with the new pet. “We’re going to need some things to take care of her though.”

“Way ahead of you.” Khal said. “I’ve got food, a litter box, and even a little bed for her.”

Ari walked across the room and sat on the floor next to Emory. She too petted the little bundle of fur that had just joined their little family. 

“She’s adorable.” Ari said. 

Rene smiled at Khal, “Thank you. She’s perfect. You’ve seriously made my day with this.”

Khal looked over the moon. It was so nice to see him happy. 

So nice to see all of them happy. 

*****

5 Months Later 

August 28th 2023

Rene was working from home when he got the alert on his phone. As he was checking it, Aset jumped clumsily into his lap, catching herself with her claws as she started to fall. He gasped and grabbed her to steady her, petting her until she lay down, contentedly purring away on his legs. 

He returned his attention to his phone, and took a moment to process what he was reading. 

Mt. Hood Erupts Suddenly – Death Toll Expected in the Thousands

Around 200 miles away, death and destruction had just rained down on so many unsuspecting individuals. As incredible as the eruption was, the thought of all the loss of humans and nature made him sick to his stomach. He and Misha had taken Emory to Mt. Hood a number of times when she was very little. They’d gone sledding at Government Camp when she was two. It had been one of their happiest memories. Now it was likely that Government Camp didn’t exist anymore. 

“Jesus.” Rene breathed, doom scrolling through his phone to find all the information he could on the event. 

There was a knock on the doorframe behind him, and he jumped, Aset bolting off his lap in startled surprise as he spun around in his chair. 

“Did you see the news?” Khal asked, holding up his phone, his eyes wide in surprise. “Can you believe this?”

Rene shook his head. His mind flitted back to his myriad dreams of being swept away by the tsunamis of Krakatoa. He’d been fascinated by volcanoes all his life.

“We have to do something to help.” Rene said. 

“Do you want to organize a drive with the library?” Khal asked. 

“That’s a very good idea. I think we could get some big donations. Maybe a charity din-” Rene trailed off. He hadn’t been to anything like that since Misha had died. What a stuffy idea anyway. “Something local. Maybe yard sales for charity. I’ll talk to the bigwigs personally about donating.”

“I’d love to help.” Khal said. “You know how persuasive I can be.” 

Rene nodded. He turned back to his computer and pulled up the screen he needed to get started on the charity drive. Khal crossed the room and placed a hand on Rene’s shoulder. Rene placed his hand on top of Khal’s and squeezed. Suddenly, Khal had grabbed his hand and was pulling him up into a hug. Khal pulled Rene so close that Rene could feel his friend’s heart beating against his chest. Rene looked at his dear friend, and was startled at first when Khal leaned up for a kiss. 

Rene hesitated briefly, then gave in to the kiss with everything he had, pulling Khal toward him hungrily, happily, desperate for the man’s affection. It was a moment of much needed bliss after such devastating news. 

Chapter 22 https://storiesfrommontana.com/2023/06/18/writing-challenge-2023-chapter-22-theres-nothing-holding-me-back/