Tuesday

It was back to the cafe on Tuesday for Ayan. The cafe wasn’t open, but it gave him a chance to inventory, sanitize, and prepare for the week. It also offered him a chance to bake extra for the shelter and the camps. Fresh treats that he could offer folks that tended to be pretty excited to receive them. It was relaxing to be in the back of the cafe, baking by himself, his long black curls pulled back into a ponytail and covered by a baseball cap. He smiled as he rolled the dough, added the sugar, made muffins, cupcakes, cakes, fritters, donuts, kheer, boorelu, and jalebi among other items. Today was his day to freely create and donate, and doing so felt good.

Junna wouldn’t be in today, because it was the one day a week she actually got to sleep in. Ayan thought about stopping by at her place later. She hadn’t sent him any information about Elijah, so he wondered if she had forgotten again. Not that it was up to her to research any of that. Ayan could do it just as easily, and yet hadn’t.

There was a sudden knock at the door, and Ayan froze. Elijah. It had to be. Would he leave if asked nicely? Ayan briefly thought about ignoring the door, but figured he would just politely ask Elijah to leave and make up a story about how he couldn’t have anyone else in there while he was cleaning. He set down the rolling pin and washed his hands, tentatively walking toward the front door. He was pleasantly surprised to see Soren standing there, waving at him, a smile on his face.

Ayan rushed over and opened the door for Soren, who stepped in to allow Ayan to close and lock the door behind him.

“What’s up?” Ayan asked.

“I know you bake for the shelters today. I wanted to help out,” Soren said. “I’m not asking to be paid or anything. Just want to help.”

“Oh,” Ayan was caught off-guard. “You don’t have to do that.”

“After what you did for me…I felt so ashamed. You gave me this second chance, and it means so much to me. I’m serious. I was thinking about how badly I messed up, and I thought about how you always go out of your way for everyone. How you try to be a force for good. I want to be that. To do that. I want to be someone my little sister can look up to, y’know?”

Ayan was sure he was blushing. Soren’s comment about his sister made Ayan’s twin brother flash in his mind. His Ravi. His best friend. The one who had made him everything he was today. He imagined Ravi grinning at Soren, rolling his eyes at everyone telling Ayan how good of a person he was.

“I do this for my sibling too, you know,” Ayan said. “I wasn’t always the man feeding the homeless, helping the needy. I used to just be a survivor, like you. Trying to get by day to day.”

“Really?”

Ayan nodded as he walked back to the kitchen with Soren, “My mother died when I was very young. Ravi and I suspected my father killed her.”

“Jesus,” Soren breathed.

Why are you telling him all of this?

“We found her at the bottom of the stairs when we were six-years-old. Head trauma. There was a lot of that in our household,” said Ayan.

Ayan didn’t know why he was opening up to Soren like this. He had only ever talked to Junna and Ashley about these events before, and even then, he hadn’t shared some of the finer details he was sharing now. Something about the vulnerability with which Soren had shared his situation made Ayan want to open up about his own history. That, and the fact that he had thinking about his past a whole lot more lately.

“Oh my god,” Soren said, putting a net on his brown curls, and washing his hands, “I had no idea you’d been through that.”

“Ravi and I grew up terrified of our father every day. He never married again, which in a way I am thankful for, as any woman would have been his punching bag. But we spent our lives navigating the minefield of his emotions, and making ourselves as small as possible.”

“Did…did he kill Ravi?” Soren asked.

Ayan swallowed as he rolled out the dough for more fritters, “In a way, yes. My brother suffered a traumatic brain injury from our father beating him unconscious one night, and it changed his personality. He became an entirely different person. I barely knew him anymore. He ran away from home, and ended up living on the street, doing some shitty things to earn money for drugs or food. Anything to get by. I got out when I went to college, but I dropped out in the first semester to find him.”

“I can’t even imagine,” said Soren, taking a tray of fritters out of the oven to add another.

“I’m sorry,” Ayan muttered, feeling suddenly self-conscious.

“About what?” Soren asked, placing items on the cooling trays.

“Oversharing. Telling you my life story. It’s a lot,” Ayan said, “and you’re so young. You don’t need to hear all that.”

“I don’t mind,” Soren shrugged. “I have shitty family members too. I get it. My dad would rather scream at my sister than get her the help she needs. My mom enables his behavior because she’s scared we’ll be homeless if she leaves him. He doesn’t hit us physically, but he doesn’t need to, you know?”

Ayan nodded, “Emotional abuse is just as damaging. My father’s words always bit harder than his fists ever did.”

“As soon as I can afford it, I want to get out of there with my sister. Get her proper help. She’s thirteen, but she has the maturity and social skills of a five-year-old. You met her. Sakura. She’s my world. I want the best for her, and my parents won’t even take her to see a doctor to diagnose the autism she clearly has. They’re embarrassed by the prospect. They adopted her from Japan as a baby, and she was supposed to be their little Asian trophy, but it’s like they gave up on her when they discovered that she was special needs. My dad’s narcissism couldn’t take it.”

Ayan paused, his hands covered in flour from rolling dough, “How old are you again?”

“I’m eighteen,” Soren said. “I graduated high-school a year early, remember? That’s how I ended up working for you.”

“That’s right,” Ayan said, returning thoughtfully to his task. “Do you think your parents would let you take her with you if you were able to move out? What are your plans for the future? Are you looking to go to college?”

Give him a chance to answer, jeez!

“Sorry,” Ayan muttered, wincing at his own awkwardness.

“Uh, it’s all good. I would love to go to a university, but first and foremost, I need to look out for Sakura. I’m taking a few online community college courses now. Going to get my associates before I transfer somewhere away from home. Hopefully taking her with me.”

“That’s a hefty goal,” Ayan admitted.

“I know.”

“I want to help,” said Ayan. “In some way. It’s time to think past the concert tickets though. I want to find a way to get you situated, if looking after your sister is really what you want. I would do anything myself to go back in time and protect Ravi.”

You did all you could.

“I couldn’t do enough,” said Ayan, staring at some point beyond the flour on the counter as he remembered what it was like to finally find Ravi, shivering on a street corner, looking nothing like the mirror image he had been of Ayan growing up. He had lost so much weight, and was barely covered from the elements in a thin blanket, teeth chattering. When he looked at Ayan, it was like he wasn’t even seeing him.

“You okay?” Soren asked.

“Hmm?” Ayan glanced at Soren as the memory faded away, “Oh, yes. I’m good. Thank you.”

“I’m sorry about your brother,” Soren said. “I couldn’t imagine losing a twin. Just the thought of something happening to my sister makes me sick.”

“I almost didn’t survive it,” Ayan admitted. “But fifteen years later, here I am, running a cafe in his memory. Helping others in the way I couldn’t help him when he was still alive.”

“You don’t have to tell me of course, but, uh, how did he die?” Soren asked.

“Suicide,” Ayan breathed. “I tried to help him get on his feet, and for a year, it seemed like things were getting better. Then one day…well, he’d had enough.”

Ayan noticed his breathing was getting shaky as the memory came flooding back to him, and he quickly grabbed a glass of water to distract himself as Soren spoke.

“Jesus. That’s hard,” Soren said, before hissing in pain as he burned his finger on one of the trays coming out of the oven.

“You alright?” Ayan asked.

“Yeah, I’m good. Just wasn’t paying attention.”

“You should go run it under cold water.”

“All good. Skin barely turned red,” Soren said, pulling out the next tray to place on the cooling racks.

“Thank you, Soren, for helping me with all of this. You have no idea how much I appreciate it.”

“It’s the least I could do. Seriously,” Soren said, “Besides, Sakura is at school, and it beats sitting around with my mom moping at home.”

A thought occurred to Ayan as he prepped the fritters for the next tray to go into the oven, “I have some money. Our new patron, Elijah, gave me a whole bunch to give to a charity of my choice. I want to use it to help with your sister. I’m sure he wouldn’t begrudge me helping out someone in need. It’s not enough to get you a place of your own, or anything, but you could use it to help in getting her diagnosed. Have doctors point you in the right direction.”

“My parents would spend it before it made it to any doctors,” Soren admitted somberly. “There’s no point. You should put it toward something worthwhile. Something where it won’t get wasted.”

Ayan nodded, “We were-I was thinking of starting a women’s shelter.”

“That’s an amazing idea,” said Soren, before clearing his throat and continuing, “That guy is uh, I don’t mean to be a dick or anything, but that Elijah guy gives me a really weird vibe. Like, don’t want to be alone in an alley with him kinda vibe. And I noticed he stares at you all the time. Dude is obsessed. Like, beyond a crush. He kinda freaks me out, if I’m being honest. Sorry if he’s your friend or whatever.”

Ayan looked over at Soren, surprised and a bit overwhelmed by the honest statement.

“I was outside after close on Saturday, and I swear I saw him watching you go down the alley. Then I turn away for one second, and he’s freaking gone. I had hoped he maybe took off the other way or whatever, but something tells me he followed you. I didn’t bring it up later because I forgot, with the whole money situation. I just, I wanted you to know the vibes are off with that dude. Even if he does worship Jesus or whatever.”

“Uh, thank you,” Ayan said, “For letting me know.”

He felt that prickle in his gut again, the one he had been trying to ignore so that he could believe everything was okay. That his new patron wasn’t stalking him. It was suddenly much more difficult to believe that Elijah was just doing things out of the goodness of his heart like he had claimed.

“Just, you know, be careful. Lot of crazy out in the world,” Soren said.

“Thank you, Soren, for looking out,” said Ayan.

By lunchtime, they had finished several more trays of treats, and drove together to drop them off with Ashley so that she and her crew could disperse them between the shelter and the soup kitchen. Ayan and Soren personally took several of the treats to some of the more popular homeless camp sites themselves. Glancing at Soren, Ayan saw the growing smile on his face as he got to receive thanks from several individuals who came away with an array of fresh-baked items.

A few hours later, they were back at the cafe, cleaning up.

“Thank you so much for the help today,” said Ayan, “It really goes so much faster when you’re here.”

“I had a lot of fun,” admitted Soren. “I would love to help out more often.”

“That would be great.” Ayan finished cleaning the kitchen, then walked to his office. He unlocked the bottom drawer of his desk with the key on his keychain, and pulled out a fifty dollar bill. Walking back to the kitchen where Soren was just running the last of the dishes, he handed him the money.

“What’s this for?” asked Soren.

“Helping out,” said Ayan.

“You don’t have to do that,” Soren shook his head. “I wanted to help. I don’t need pay for it.”

“Get something nice for your sister. A toy or something. You can claim it was a gift from me or something so your parents don’t wonder about it.”

Soren’s face broke into a grin as he looked at the money, “Thank you. Thank you so much, Ayan. For everything. I really mean it.”

Ayan smiled, “You’re a good kid with a good heart, and you deserve to find peace with your sister. I’m going to do what I can to make sure that happens.”

“What’s one more project on your plate,” Soren shrugged, then laughed.

Ayan chuckled.