Rene was in a daze following his first kiss with Khal. That night at dinner, as Emory asked a million questions about the Mt. Hood eruption, Rene’s mind would keep returning to that moment, that room, those lips pressed firmly against his. The sensation had been exquisite. 

Misha’s death had left Rene believing he would never again feel the sensation of wanting to consume someone. Of wanting to kiss them so deeply that both would be gasping for breath in the end. For a solid minute, they had grasped, pulled, consumed one another, and then Rene had broken the kiss and stepped back, breathing heavily. Khal looked at him expectantly with those big green eyes, his lips slightly open, his chest rising and falling noticeably. 

“I ha-have to get back to work.” Rene muttered. 

“Oh. Okay.” Khal nodded. “Can I get you anything? Lunch, or-“

“I’m okay. Thank you.” Rene said. He hoped he didn’t sound short. He wasn’t angry. He was confused.

“Let me know if you need anything.” Khal said. He looked unsure. Rene smiled at him. 

“I will. I just, uh, I just need a moment.”

Khal nodded, “I understand.” He turned and headed out of the room. 

Rene sat slowly down in his chair, mind racing. He had been wanting to do that for months, but the timing was never right. Doing it now felt too soon as well. Misha was still everywhere in his life, every day on his mind, and that’s just the way he wanted it. 

But there was something, a happy release, in being intimately close to Khal. It wasn’t forgetting Misha. It wasn’t spitting in the face of Misha’s memory. At least, he hoped not. 

Rene had dreampt of kissing Khal many times in the past few months. Dreams set in temples and on battlefields. Dreams set on old ships, and dreams where they were surrounded by tanks. They had been myriad. Endless. Pleasant. Terrifying. And confusing. 

Rene turned back to his computer, fingers poised to type away on the website, to offer support to those affected by the volcanic eruption, but his mind was blank. A fuzzy mess. He couldn’t have gotten back to work if he wanted to. 

He closed the laptop, and began to mindlessly scroll on his phone, looking at the updates coming in about the volcano. The known death count was rising by the minute. The first major eruption had taken place at 9:05am. It had followed a mild earthquake on the mountain thirteen minutes previously. A freak occurrence with no real warning, no proper time to evacuate. The devastation was incalculable. Rene wondered if he knew any of the victims. He tried to think. 

His phone began to buzz with messages from work, and from friends. Katrina sounded frantic. She was worried about her parents, who lived close to the mountain. She hadn’t been able to contact them. A pit of anxiety clenched Rene’s gut as he realized just how close to home the devastation was.

After roughly half an hour of Rene’s doom scrolling, Khal came into the office carrying a plate of food. Rene was struck by how good it smelled. Familiar spices rent the air in a pleasant aura.

“I’ve made Tofu Makhani.” Khal explained. “I was wondering if you would like to try some.”

Rene set his phone down and eyed the dish in amazement. 

“It smells incredible.” Rene said, setting the plate down at his desk and taking a tentative bite. He closed his eyes as the flavors burst on his tongue. The dish tasted so familiar. It was like a bite of home, but he couldn’t remember ever trying it in his life. 

“Oh my god!” Rene said, covering his mouth as he looked at Khal, his eyes now wide in pleasant surprise. “This is spectacular!”

Khal grinned, pleased with his work. 

“Seriously though, you’ve outdone yourself. Thank you.” Rene said. 

“Anything for you.” Said Khal.

Rene was taken aback for a moment. He swiveled back in his chair to face the plate of food. 

“Did I say something wrong?” Khal asked. 

“No, no, not at all.” Rene said. “I’ve just been thinking, obsessed really. Worried about this eruption. It’s affected so many lives. This is something on a scale we haven’t really seen in our lifetimes, not in the states.”

Khal looked distant, thoughtful. 

“There’s only so much we can do.” Khal pointed out. “It’s not like we could go back in time and warn them. We can be there for them though. For the survivors. For our friends who are affected. In time, the pain of this too will fade.”

Rene nodded, “You’re right. Not a lot we can do. And doomscrolling is its own kind of sickness. I can’t help it though. It’s so fascinating. So…familiar.”

Familiar. 

Like the dish he was eating. 

Rene took another bite, closing his eyes as the flavors glided across his tongue. He saw the temple. The turquoise robes. Khal, smiling. 

He felt like he was spinning rapidly on a carnival ride as a child, the giddy breathless feeling that came with momentary weightlessness. There was no concern, no sadness, just pure exquisite bliss.

Rene opened his eyes, sucking a deep breath in. Everything came crashing back to reality. To mother earth boiling hundreds alive and burying thousands in a mountain of ash, mud, and debris, after burning their lungs with a pyroclastic flow. 

Many of them were poor bastards at a hikers festival that had been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Among those unfortunate souls were children.

“Are you okay?” Khal asked, genuinely curious. 

“I’m…I’m not sure.” Rene said. Was he ever okay? Was the world?

He was okay. He knew he would be okay. He’d been through so much, that he wasn’t even sure what his threshold was to be not okay anymore. 

He nodded, and spun in his chair to face Khal.

“I’m okay.” Rene said, smiling. It’s like a switch had been turned, and he knew that it didn’t matter if he knew five people who had died, or fifty, life was always going to hurt in some way. It was always going to be a struggle. 

In that moment he knew that life was fucking short. Too fucking short to waste it worrying. He stood up and grabbed Khal’s face in his hands, and began to kiss him again. Slowly at first, intimately, passionately. And finally, ravenously.

Some time later, when they’d both washed up in the shower, Rene wrapped himself in a towel and padded into the bedroom, where Khal was just finishing getting dressed. 

“I need to ask a favor.” Rene said, sitting on the bed next to Khal.

Khal had just finished pulling on a blue t’shirt. He paused and looked at Rene expectantly.

“Don’t tell anyone just yet.” Rene insisted. “In time, we will. If this, whatever this thing is, becomes something permanent. We’ll tell them then, but not just yet, okay?”

Khal was chewing on his bottom lip, but after a moment he nodded, and his face broke into a warm smile. 

“Okay.” Khal said. He leaned over and kissed Rene again, and then for a moment, they just held one another. 

That night, Khal made dinner, and Emory came home from summer camp with a million questions about the volcano. Rene answered what he could, what seemed appropriate for a five-year-old, but Emory kept digging. She asked how many had died. How they had died. What was a “pyrocastic” flow. She asked if it would rain ash on them.

“The jet stream flows west to east, so I don’t think we’ll get any ash, but I may be mistaken.” Rene pointed out. 

“Do you think it will erupt again?” Emory asked. She’d barely touched her dinner as she was so obsessed with the subject. 

“I don’t know, my love.” Rene said. “I’m not a volcanologist.” 

“If it does, we’ll be safe.” Khal pointed out. 

“But more people could die.” Emory said. Her eyes began to fill with tears. “My friend Marcus had to leave early today. His dad was on the mountain. His mom was crying when she picked him up.”

“Emory, I’m so sorry.” Rene said, taking her little hand in his. 

“I gave him a hug when he left. I told him he would be okay.” Emory said. “He looked confused.”

“He was probably in shock.” Rene said. “It’s something your mind does when you can’t yet process everything that’s happened to you.”

“Do you think the lava melted his dad?” Emory asked. 

“I don’t know.” Rene did. “We probably shouldn’t think about that. I’m sure everything happened very fast. People probably didn’t even have time to be scared.”

“Natural disasters happen all the time.” Khal pointed out. “People have survived and perished in them for millenia. It’s the price of living on this planet.”

Emory finally took a bite of her food, a thoughtful look on her face as she chewed. 

“I’m glad you weren’t on that mountain, daddy. I don’t know if I could handle losing two parents in a year.” 

“Me too, love.” Rene said, squeezing her hand again. 

*****

By Friday, a real estimate had come out on the deaths surrounding the Mt. Hood eruption. About 2284 people had died, give or take, one of the greatest natural disaster casualties ever on American soil. Rene had long since set up the fundraiser, and was coordinating with others around the city to get as much relief sent to those affected as they could. 

Katrina had discovered the worst. Both of her parents, as well as their beloved dogs, had been swept away in a sweeping lahar of mud and debris, buried alive in an instant. The pain of loss was felt by everyone. 

Khal had set out to use his wonderful people skills, and managed to score 3 million dollars from various sources to help with the efforts. Rene had wondered if one of those sources was Mr. Scott, but he decided he wasn’t going to ask. The money was going toward a good use, and that was all that mattered.

In the meantime, while Emory was at summer school, Rene and Khal were still sharing intimate moments in passing. A delicate kiss. The brief grasping of a hand. A wild and steamy session in bed. The butterflies in Rene’s stomach seemed to become stronger every day. He was obsessed with being close to Khal. With touching him, smelling him, feeling that deep purr of a voice all the way in his bones. 

Nighttime was another story. The guilt was hard at work in his dreams. Rene would see Misha’s face, see those big blue eyes full of tears. One particular nightmare had him waking up screaming. Thankfully, that had been on a night when Emory was staying over at Ari’s house. 

Rene had dreamed he was on top of Mt. Hood with Misha. They had just felt the earthquake. In his mind, he knew that this meant the eruption was not far behind. Misha had reached out a hand, ready to go with him, but Rene had shaken his head no. In the dream, he knew that Misha had to stay. He couldn’t come home. 

“But I’ll die.” Misha said. “I’ll never see Emory again.”

“You can’t go with us.” Rene said. 

“Please!” Misha begged. 

Rene had walked backwards until he was floating away from the mountain. He could still see the fear in Misha’s face, the hurt of betrayal. And then the mountain exploded. Lava enveloped Misha, and he melted away, screaming in agony. 

Rene woke up with a cry, immediately sitting up in bed, his head in his hands. His breathing was rapid, panicked. How could he have just left Misha to die?

Khal happened to be lying next to him that night. He woke and rolled over, sitting up with Rene. 

“What is it?” Khal asked. “Nightmare?”

Rene nodded, rubbing his eyes. 

“I have something you can take.” Khal said. “It’ll make it so you don’t dream. I’ve taken them for years.”

“I don’t know.” Rene muttered. His mind was stuck on the fear in Misha’s face. On the betrayal. 

Khal got up and left, returning shortly with a pill and a glass of water. He held them out to Rene, who hesitated for a moment looking at them. 

“Are you sure it’s safe?” Rene asked, looking up at Khal, whose brows were furrowed in concern. 

“I wouldn’t offer it to you if it wasn’t.” Khal said. 

Rene tentatively took the pill and popped it into his mouth, swallowing it down with the water. He did need rest after all, and the idea of slipping back into nightmares of leaving his husband to die was terrifying. This was the best way. 

He returned eventually to a dreamless sleep. 

*****

School was starting back up again soon. In three weeks, on September 22nd, it would be Emory’s sixth birthday. Her first birthday without Misha. Rene wanted to make it very special for her, so he coordinated with Ari and Khal around the kitchen table to do so. 

“Honestly, I think she’d love to spend the day doing something to help out others.” Ari said. “She’s always asking what she can do for the survivors of the eruption. Maybe we could find a way to plan her birthday around that.”

“Maybe a food drive of sorts. Supplies, that sort of thing.” Khal suggested, glancing over at Rene. “We can focus on the pets too, since she loves animals so much.” As Khal said this, Aset jumped onto the table and rubbed against his arm, purring. Khal petted her, pressing his face to hers as she pushed back against him. Rene found himself smiling at the interaction between them. He then glanced over at Ari, who was looking at him curiously. 

“I think that would be a great idea. Could we arrange something with the library?” Ari asked. “Then maybe we deliver some of the goods ourselves. She’s been so curious about what the mountain looks like now, I think it’d be neat to take her.”

“You don’t think that would be too morbid?” Rene asked. 

“I think it’s fascinating.” Khal said. “Something to learn from. Maybe we could collect some ash as a sort of memory of the event.”

Ari nodded, apparently content with the idea. 

“So a food and supply drive, and a trip to Mt. Hood.” Rene said. “An interesting birthday indeed.”

A few minutes later, Ari went to pick up Emory from her last day at summer camp. They were going to go back to school shopping afterward, all four of them. Once Ari had stepped out the door, Rene found himself swept up in another of Khal’s passionate kisses. His hands gripped Khal’s back, pulling the man closer as they made out.

They were so entranced in one another that they didn’t hear the door open back up. 

“I forgot my car k-” Ari trailed off as Rene and Khal quickly broke apart. Rene wiped his mouth with the back of his hand as he looked at Ari in surprise.

“Whoa.” Ari said, standing in the doorway with her mouth open in shock. 

Chapter 23 https://storiesfrommontana.com/2023/06/25/writing-challenge-2023-chapter-23-free-fallin/