I had a wonderful day walking around a beautiful pond with my coworkers, enjoying the vivid foliage. It did a lot to take my mind off the fact that I’m scared.

My dad goes in later this week to have a 3rd pacemaker put in, and the day he goes in to start the procedure is the 17th anniversary of my mom’s death. He has Marfan Syndrome. The same condition I have, only his is much worse. He’s 65 and has had over 10 surgeries/procedures already related to his condition, most of them on his heart and aortic valve.

I’m scared he won’t make it out of this one alive.

That he won’t wake up.

That something will go wrong.

I’m scared of my sister and I losing our dad, of the devastation and uncertainty that will bring.

I’m scared of my nieces losing their grandpa.

Of our cats losing their best friend.

I just want everything to be okay.

And to top it off, I have a cold from work, so I can’t hug him. 😞